25

Reflections of the past 25 years and my next quarter of a century resolutions...

It's pretty easy to get caught up in a number. 25 years- it's a big deal to me. If things had gone according to the plans I'd made for myself when I was six I'd have at least two children by now, and a husband, maybe a Golden Retriever, and most likely a silver mini-van. But when I was six I couldn't have even dreamed in my wildest dreams about the amazing life that I was destined to experience. 

In 25 short years I was privileged to... survive a bee sting to my tongue, shy away at the opportunity to meet Doogie Howser, help raise my two younger brothers, speak at my middle school graduation, make lasting friendships in high school, be Miss New Mexico Teen USA 2005 and place top 10 at Miss Teen USA, become best friends with my mom, meet Yolanda King, be the president of my sorority Zeta Tau Alpha & speak at the 2008 National Convention, graduate with honors from New Mexico State University, get accepted into my only post-college job choice- Teach For America, teach 2 years of pre-k, ride in a hot air balloon, give a congratulatory speech to New Mexico's first female governor Susana Martinez at her Inaugural Children's Ball, be Miss New Mexico USA 2011 and place top 16 at Miss USA and be named "fan favorite," and join the Teach For America Oklahoma team as a Manager of Teacher Leadership Development...

What I remember most about all of these things is the people I was so fortunate to have met along the way. The adventures wouldn't have been nearly as wonderful or memorable without these incredible people in my life. I realize now that 25 is not just a number but a trophy. I am so grateful for each year that I age because I know that it just means I will be blessed with the graces of more incredible people and more time with the incredible people I already have been blessed with. 

As I think about the first quarter of my life I know that as a newborn I did not plan for any of this... but as a 25 year old I am determined to make the next quarter just as magnificent as the first. Through this determination (and being the list maker that I am) I've found it most appropriate to establish a set of resolutions & goals...

• Care less about age & remember that with age comes incredible people and fond memories that I'll never get tired of thinking about, laughing about, or talking about.
•  Remember others' birthdays. A sweet home-made birthday card in the mail the other day from a high school friend that I haven't seen in years brightened my day in countless ways. It made me reflect on how valuable these relationships have been to my life and how many wonderful people I have come to know. I must get better at showing others how much they mean to me.
• Further my education and attend graduate school on the east coast. My heart is set on Harvard's Graduate School of Education but that could change. Regardless, I'm committed to a life of learning.
• Do what I want. I will do more of what I want and less of what I think I should do. This means I am learning to trust myself and my judgment and accept full responsibility for all outcomes with complete faith that all will turn out exactly as it should.
• Show my body some love. I made the decision 3 years ago to stop eating meat- but that hasn't had the best effects on my eating habits in general. I will nurture my body with foods that make me feel great and give me the right kind of energy. I'll also give my body more endorphins by doing more "feel good" exercise.
• Budget. I will take better care of my finances and create a practical budget to stick to. I want to live life as debt free as possible and spend less time thinking about those germ-ridden-bills known as "money" and their dominating effects.
• Find my rocking chair partner without assertively looking. This is in no way an attempt for pity but simply a conscious effort to spend more thoughts in the moment rather than in an unlikely daydream. I trust that in time I'll know exactly who this is suppose to be.
• Get to know my brothers better. They grew from 4 & 2 to 18 & 16 in the blink of an eye. As my brothers grow older with me I find more and more opportunities to relate to them. They are two very cool kids and I can't wait to get to know them even more over the next 25 years.
• Embrace my imperfections. While striving to always improve I also want to embrace my flaws- something I have only just learned to do within the past few years. I'm learning to love myself for who I am and thus beginning to judge less and love others more as well.
• Write down the stories... I have a very strong feeling that the next 25 years will be nothing short of spectacular, therefore I must commit to writing more about my experiences so that in old age I can reflect on the sweet memories.

 Happy Birthday,

"pageant" 101: never take yourself too seriously

Woah woah woah.... don't go assuming that this post is only for pageant goers. In fact, I hate societies depiction of the word "pageant." A pageant, by definition, is:

"a public entertainment consisting of a procession of people in elaborate, colorful costumes, or an outdoor performance of a historical scene."

... understood to me as how one carries and presents themselves to the world. We are all performing, whether we know it or not, or frankly like it or not. So why not take every opportunity to improve and reign like the queen you are?[!!!]

Pageant Tip #1
Never take yourself too seriously.

[source]

 When you subject yourself to judgment you're asking for just that, judgment. We all subject ourselves to judgment every day, the slight difference is pageant queens do it on a stage. In order to showcase yourself the best way that you can you must take it lightly and recognize that the judgment is not a reflection of you, it's a reflection of the judge mixed with how you are allowing yourself to be perceived by them. Phew- doesn't that feel better? Now let it all out. Prance around like the winner you are. Take feedback for what it is, learn from it, grow from it, and straight up discard it if you find no true value from it or alignment to who you know in your heart you are meant to be.

As a titleholder you must be approachable. How can you be approachable if you can't even approach and accept yourself? You must live your adventures with an intention of playfulness. It's how you give the most and get the most from even the most uncomfortable situations. Who doesn't love a girl who can laugh at her own flaws and recognizes them as areas of growth or quirks to who she is? By taking yourself too seriously you expect others to take you too seriously... which just means you're building an even higher pedestal to fall from ...because even the greatest fall, the only difference is that they know how to survive the impact.

[source]

So you win some you lose some. I had a hard realization last October. It was right before the Miss New Mexico USA pageant and I was practicing my interview with some pageant friends. I was taking myself & the goal I was working towards SO seriously. My friend could undeniably see that and he said to me "I had never seen that in you before Brittany, I was so surprised. You can't let this be 'do or die'. You just can't." That was a long ride home. The next morning I woke up from a sore slap in the face- thankfully. It's because of that push to realizing the abandonment of my true self that I was able to glide through my night at the Miss New Mexico USA pageant a few weeks later. As I sat backstage before the top 5 were about to be announced I thought to myself "It's ok, this isn't the end. Regardless of the outcome I'll still walk off the stage as Brittany Toll and I'll still be greeted the exact same way by the exact same incredible friends & family who came to support me." I tell you it was the strangest feeling in the whole world. I even asked myself "Wait? Don't I want this? Why am I willing to accept either outcome?" It was because I had finally realized that it wasn't "do or die" like my wise friend had said.

Not too long ago a newly acquired friend told me "I love that I can just poke fun at you and tell you how it is and you never get upset or take it personal." Now of course let me say this- you have to have your limits, if he was out-of-line then of course I would put my foot down, but everything we joke about is true. I have learned that the best way for me to live is to just accept myself for who I am, and learn to laugh at my unique quirks. It's much easier to laugh with the crowd then to go against them. I realized at that point that I had learned this skill from pageantry and didn't even know it. It was a vital skill for me to learn and it has provided me ease & joy through all of my experiences on & off the stage.

[source]

So, be it a sparkly new crown you seek, or simply a life of amusement, learn from your inner queen; it's never too serious. It's never "do or die." It's about you being you and taking the courage to embrace that. Have fun with yourself and prance your love around in your tallest heels on the biggest stage under the brightest spotlight. You will love yourself more & you will effortlessly allow others to feel the same way.

sparkles & love,

...stay tuned for more pageant tips and email, Tweet, comment, or snail mail me any thoughts about what you would like me to deep dive into a bit more. Cheers!

Fall Weekend

She spent her Saturday morning at the farmer's market & the thrift store...

At the farmer's market she found summer squash, cherry tomatoes, an Irish Cream latte, fresh basil, a potted Hindu Rope plant, two onions, and a jar of raw local honey...

Then it was off to the thrift store where she found a new set of shabby chic bowls, stemless blue glasses, a men's flannel shirt (perfect with leggings for the fall/winter), a soft pink chalice & a green glass chalice. Fabulous pieces to add to her cozy loft....

What will you make of your fall weekends?

basil, bargains & bliss,

Fond Feelings For...

 IKEA Stockholm Throw

Perfect for lazy Sundays. 

"Mohair wool with a silky luster."

Pocketbooth app for iPhone

Best $.99 you'll ever spend on an app.

Charles Smith "The Velvet Devil" Merlot 

"Milk chocolate, wild blackberry, baking spice, rose oil...beautifully perfumed Washington in a glass....Velvet Devil?"

 Very Volatile Denver Boot

...& even better when you find them in your size at DSW for 75% off. 

 Lush Eau Roma Water

Sweetly scented of lavender and roses. Mist it on your face in the morning and skip the a.m. wash. Take care.

...things are just things but they sure are fun from time to time.

feathers, flowers & footprints,

happy monday [ i & i ]

inspiration:

(source)
...zzzzz

idea:

(source)

It's almost September, which means it's almost fall! In celebration of a new month and season upon us set some time this week to write your September goals. What do you want to accomplish? What will you have learned? How will you have pampered yourself? How will you ensure that you had fun and made the most of it?

A sneak peak at what I'm including on my goals:

• Re-connect with someone. 
• Go running before work/in the am 5 days a week. Increase distance and time using iPhone app.
• Build a pillow fort and read The Hunger Games
• Begin to become an expert at something...
• Write in my gratitude journal

sleep, sing & slumber,

New Mexican Love Letter

Dear New Mexico,

Oh how I love thee, have I told you lately?

Although my toes cannot sink into your red sand, my lungs cannot fill with your warm air, and my eyes cannot be privileged with your breathtaking landscape my heart is still in sync with all that you have given me. Every morning I wake with warm gratitude for who I am and where I've been. Although I am not there, I am still a relentless servant to you.

I advocate for you daily by ensuring every individual I encounter leaves with a more enlightened perspective of you. I sing your praises and educate others on your gifts. I speak of your people, landscape, culture, and cuisine with more enthusiasm, passion, and respect than one could possibly imagine. I feel it would be far too selfish of me not to share The Land of Enchantment and it's bountiful goods with those less fortunate to know.

I act only as myself and no one else because I am incredibly proud of who I have been molded into thanks to your presence in my life. By this I hope to make others more comfortable with being themselves as well. I would not be who I am if it weren't for you and I promise I'm the proudest New Mexican anyone ever knew.

I operate with my experiences at the forefront of my mind. After working with the children of your state for over 2 years I know that all children can achieve greatness and that I should expect nothing less from any child. Because of that the children of Oklahoma will be held to equally as high expectations and therefore receive the education they deserve in order to lead prosperous and purposeful lives.

I am invested in your products and tangible items. I illuminate the palates of non-New Mexicans by gifting them with pinon coffee and green chile. I scavenge the grocery isles for New Mexican brands and familiar foods. I represent you in countless ways and am nurtured by your crops. I wear your turquoise, eat your pecans, and sleep under your dream catchers.

I am blessed beyond words and prouder than ever. It's funny how we take for granted what we have until we no longer have it. Everything I think and do is influenced by you and every piece of who I am is a product of thee.

New Mexico Love,

Mi Casa es Su Casa: B's Humble Abode

What in the World?

(source)

Beloveds!!

Oh how I have missed... everything!! Let's make this quick so we can get back to the magic...

I wrapped up my summer in Philadelphia. It was fabulous. Good friends. Good lessons. Good memories.

Of course it was a quick jump into my next endeavor... moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma for a new job. I got the job a few weeks before my summer role was done. I honestly couldn't have hand-picked a better job for me. I'm sad to no longer be a resident of New Mexico but fortunately I'm not too far away & already have several trips back to the Land of Enchantment planned. I am however, incredibly excited about my new job!

I'm the newest team member to Teach For America Tulsa! As an M,TLD (Manager, Teacher Leadership Development) I get to work with 1st and 2nd year teachers to ensure that they reach the ambitious goals they have set for their students. Most of the teachers I support teach pre-k. Although I'm not physically in the classroom anymore my work is influencing 26 classrooms as I support 26 teachers. It's an integral part of the movement I have been so closely attached to and grounded in. I'm incredibly humbled to continue my involvement with Teach For America and impact a new community which I know will feel like "home" in no time at all.

Moving not only brings a new role but a new abode. I've moved into a dreamy little loft & I am giving another attempt to living alone (tried this in fall of 2009 and it was quite lonely). I've worked my toosh off for about a week making this place cozy & practical and I have lots of pictures to prove for it (hold your horses for another post!). I'm working on a panoramic scan and detailed photos for a future blog, check back lovebirds.

(Mike wasn't given the best explanation for how the iPhone Pocket-Photobooth works...)

A new place brings new amigos & amigas too. I not only met great people in Philadelphia (who I was sad to leave) but have quickly made some great friends here in Tulsa (like Mike from above). I just keep getting blessed with the most incredible spirits in my life. I like to believe that you are what you attract, though I know most of the people I encounter are more of who I strive to be than who I actually am.

What else is great?

The Hipstamatic App for the iPhone- The iPhone camera options & apps are about 89% of the reason why I switched over to the iPhone.

A beautiful blog by non other than a beautiful newlywed (Wedding CheeseCake)- Mrs. Prince (how lucky is she?!) is a fabulous woman with taste that exceeds all of my expectations. I've now added "have a wedding beautiful enough for Wedding CheeseCake" to my bucket-list and will commit to striving for nothing short of.

I'm obsessed with this brilliant 6-drawer chest from IKEA. Could there be any piece of furniture more perfect?

Cleansing away my bad summer habits (daily large caramel latte with sugar & whip?!!) with the Hearbalife 21-Day Cleansing Program. I feel semi-human again.... now I just need to get my paws to a gym.

The decision not to install cable. I thought I needed it, eh, I don't. With the collection of books, music, art supplies, GameBoys & DVDs I have plenty enough to entertain myself with. This will be my 6th year without cable.

My delicious smelling home attributed by my all-time favorite candle ever from Anthropologie. I have a total of 6 around my teeny home (& these candles are massive). Deep breath..... ahh.

Listening to Jewel  0304 it's been so long, I've forgotten how much I love this album. Not having internet & Pandora (or being too lazy to play it from my phone) has forced me to dig up the iTunes archives & I'm quite fond of the results.

Thank you all for being faithful & patient as I transitioned from one endeavor to the next. For some of you this blog has served as a window to the ever-evolving Brittany. Your spirits & energy fuel me. I adore all of you to pieces. Thank you for giving me a reason to be here now.

Cheers to a new chapter and faithful friends who'll join me,

so sad.

http://www.dana-made-it.com/

Dear beautiful people....

I have no internet yet in my new loft. I only operate on my work internet and at temporary coffee shops. Fingers crossed I get connected this week. I miss Happy Brittany & you fabulous gems.

If you are sad like I am perhaps this may help:

See you soon cha-chas!!

P.S.- Feel free to write a formal complaint to COX of Tulsa. ;)

Phew!

Packing and moving in a whirlwind. I can't wait to get settle in Tulsa and get back to my poor neglected blog. Eek, I also can't wait to decorate my new loft apartment!!

See y'all in Tulsa!!

too many shoes and not enough boxes...