voices & choices

shel silverstein

I've recently become very interested in my "voice" and have made more of an effort to listen and control it.  Perhaps this newly discovered fascination has been provoked by the article The Secret Rule of Changing Anything combined with the book I'm currently consumed by, The Art of Choosing (both are very insightful reads). Every time I'm about to do something that I know I may regret, or that I know isn't important, I force myself to pause and then answer the question "DOES THIS MATTER?" Almost 99% of the time it doesn't....& then I move on and carry on. I always end up feeling much better than I would have after I'd chosen to do whatever I "thought" I wanted to invest my time and mind into. I'm not perfect with this practice yet but I try to be a little bit more conscious every day & I'm starting to feel really good.

&

Today as I was walking out the door I caught myself thinking about all of the things I end up regretting at the end of a day. This discomfort prompted me to stop,  put my things down, and sit down at my desk for a moment. I grabbed an index card and a Sharpie and wrote out 5 non-negotiable rules for January 12th, 2012. I folded up the index card, tucked it into my pocket, and then continued back out the door to start my day. All day long I could feel the card in my pocket, and I could feel the weight of the rules above me. I was determined to not break any of them.

Sure enough I followed all of my rules and I'm sitting in bed much happier than I have any night this week. I have nothing to regret about any of the choices that I made today. I also managed to be more productive, healthier, and more responsible by following these rules. By addressing them and writing them down before my day started I managed to keep myself much more accountable and committed. I'm eager to write another set of rules tomorrow...

love & learning,

Stackable Resolutions

2012 I resolve...

It’s none-too-typical that one finalizes their resolutions mid-January. With traveling and readjusting from the holidays I find it much easier to start off on the right foot after I’ve set the foundation to do so. Now that I’m back to the swing of things in my little ole life in Tulsa, Oklahoma I’m finally ready to unleash my resolutions in full force. This year I’m trying a new approach- stackable resolutions. 

Every year it’s the same song and dance… sometime in late December I sit down with a pad of paper and a pen and write out a long lofty list of resolutions… and then every year in January I am usually so overwhelmed that I can’t even strive to resolve even a handful of them. Well, this year I’m stacking them & making them happen as best I can while making the most of the adventure of learning new skills and enjoying more opportunities. 

Though I’ve only merely read the first chapter of The Happiness Project I was intrigued by the method of the creator. Focus on a new skill or area of growth each month, and let each be mastered before tackling a new one. As one month’s goals are mastered it’s time to move on to the next month, while still maintaining the resolutions from all previous month(s). Sheer Brilliance! So here is what I’ve got in my effort to do things better & make 2012 as exceptional as it’s destined to be….

Each month I’ve picked an area of focus, and then crafted a list of mini-goals within that focus. This way my energy is narrowed into one place and I can truly make the changes I’ve been longing for year after year.

January

Financial Fusion

• Create a budget and stick to it
• Make a plan to be debt free by December
• Spend only the money I possess, no more credit cards
• Journal gratitude every night, depend less on materials
• Give generously

February

Romance Myself

• Write my own manifesto/mission statement
• Figure out what I truly want
• Journal 3 things about myself that I love every night
• Plan outfits & wear more colorful lipstick everyday
• Be content in the approval from myself rather than others

March

Healthy Habits

• Eat more fresh fruit & vegetables daily
• No texting and driving
• Exercise 6 times a week for 1 hour+
• Get 7 hours+ of peaceful sleep per night
• Floss teeth nightly

April

Create Order

• Clean out closet & purge all items I haven’t worn in a year
• Make iTunes playlists that I actually enjoy
• Write a list of all of my hopes, dreams & ambitions and then prioritize the most important ones
• Organize all files on all of my computers

May

Seek Wisdom

• Read the news for 15 minutes each day
• Listen to NPR in the car
• Study something new once a month (prepare for the GRE)
• Listen to a TED Talk at the start of each week
• Read at least one book of my choice per month

June

Love What I Do, Do What I Love

• Take more risks at work
• Wake-up every morning energized & inspired by the movement
• Infuse more of myself into my efforts at work, be more creative with my job
• Plan a very detailed approach for the 2012-2013 school year
• Write a vision that I’m utterly passionate about

July

Live Young

• Go skinny dipping
• Apply sunscreen every day
• Color the tips of my hair in rainbow ombre
• Do something that terrifies me
• Learn more jokes & laugh more often

August

Spirituality of Life, Self & Creation

• Meditate every morning
• Live in the present, read Be Here Now
• Study a new religion, commit to openness & learning
• Breath more
• Listen to others, really listen
• Create & adopt affirmations

September

Happy Brittany

• Plan my blogs a week ahead
• Make a new friend
• Paint weekly
• Celebrate my 26^th birthday in bliss and pure excitement
• Plan a trip to somewhere new
• Create an audacious goal and draft clear & measurable steps towards achieving it

October

Fear Less & Plan Ahead

• Decide on and apply to graduate programs I want to pursue
• Make more choices, be less passive
• Be open to new and unplanned opportunity, positive thinking
• Speak up more about what I believe in or think
• Figure out what my next adventure will be

November

For the Love of Others

• Get to know my brothers better
• Seek to understand the perspective of others, ask questions
• Reconnect with someone from my past every week
• Write a card to a friend or loved one every day
• Smile at strangers 

December

Awaken Self

• Reflect on another blessed year
• Enjoy the company of the ones I love & who love me
• Plan for 2013
• Celebrate progress & growth and embrace memories of sweet adventures & happenings from 2012

I know these are quite vague & some are even ambiguous but I plan on drafting an even more in depth plan before each month. At the conclusion of every month my hope is that I can share my experiences (in all of their vulnerability). Things may change, life may reroute, but in any case this is my projected plan. There are also things on these lists that I’m trying to begin already (ehem, no texting & driving) but it is the hope that by the end of their respective month I will be a master of said skill or effort or at least to have learned valuable lessons.

I’m incredibly excited about all of these resolutions and 2012. I've got a really good feeling about this year. 

What are you resolving in 2012?

Winterfy Your Humble Abode

I’ll be the first to admit that I dread the cold. This year I am taking proactive steps to combat ole Jack Frost and winterfy my cozy little loft…

1.

Stock up on candles- No doubt the dim flickering of a candle automatically makes me feel warm. But even more satisfying is the sweet aroma of winter. I’ve fallen madly in love with the Cranberry Pear Bellini holiday scent from Bath & Body Works. It’s subtle yet sweet & clean and of course, and even better that the wax is a soft pink so it fits right in with my décor.

2.

Draw the blinds- I only put my blinds down during sunset but I especially love that I keep them up through the winter. First of all I love falling asleep by the glow of winter nights. Second, I love waking up to blankets of white outside my window. And third, letting the sun in during the day will actually cut back on heating costs.

3.

Keep your slippers by the door- After you’ve trudged through snow and wetness all day the first thing you do when you get home is take off your dreary boots. Be prepared by leaving your slippers by the door on your way out- your toes with thank you.

4.

Stack up a pile of books- Need an excuse to read? Stack up the books that you want to read and put them next to your bed. The calmness of the winter nights and the fear of leaving the indoors will draw you back to this stack consistently and please your somber little heart beyond words.

5.

Pull out your winter sheets- Wherever they are wash them and prep them so that you are one step ahead of the cold. Nothing makes me happier than a fluffy, cozy bed on a cold January night.

6.

Always keep the kettle full- Make it simple enough to just turn the knob. Keep your water warm and your tea bottomless. Warm your belly as often as you can. Sipping tea can also be a meditative opportunity, try this: sip slowly and calmly and meditate on the taste of the tea, the present moment, or the sound of tea flowing into your lips. Take deep breaths and breathe in the aroma.

7.

Hang a hook for your pajama sweater- I’ve found that hanging up my night sweater leads me less towards the “UP arrow button” on my thermostat. Having it within arms reach makes my life all the more simple, and having a place to put it before bed also allows me to wake up to less clutter.

8.

Get a plant- I love the satisfaction of giving my plants water and life. I have simple generic house plants from Home Depot but I really do enjoy the life they bring to my home, especially during the dull months of winter. 

snow globes & silk robes,

*All photos taken using Instagram

Lessons Learned on New Year's Eve

(source)

just a few lessons learned from a fabulous New Year's Eve....

have no expectations, epic is what you make of it: 

One thing 2011 taught me well is that from limited expectations come bountiful bliss. Why I forgot this on New Year's Eve is beyond me. Fewer expectations gives greater outcome, you're often less disappointed & more open minded. Now this can't always be the truth but I must remember to know when expectations are necessary or not.... this will be my experiment for 2012.

do wear sparkly shorts instead of a skirt: 

What a beautiful thing it was not having to constantly battle with a skirt that hikes north. I did not envy girls with their restricting outfits, no sir I did not. Low-maintenance is always in fashion. 

make friends: 

So often New Year's Eve puts you in new places with an abundance of strangers, which was no different last night. Embrace the company and have a good time. Given that I'm usually shy around large crowds of new people (it's all a forceful act people, I really am quite shy), but this New Year's Eve would have been miserable if I didn't open out and enjoy the fine company I was surrounded by. This is always a good game plan. 

don't punch the wrong passcode in your iPhone multiple times: 

My phone crashed on me last night after the strike of midnight thanks to this foul party move. I was completely helpless. Apparently if you punch in your passcode incorrectly too many times your phone decides to reset, costing you all of your data until you can connect to WiFi or iTunes. Bad news on NYE. #lessonlearned

do yo thang: 

Who are you? What do you want? Then do it. Remember how much fun you are? Don't forget that. I know this lesson all-too-well... and if my phone hadn't gone all Y2K on me this may have been easier... but let's be real, I can't blame my phone for this. Lesson learned and reaffirmed for the year ahead. 

play the dancing game: 

I love to make up games and this is one of my favorites. Get behind an unsuspecting male victim and get jiggy with him without him knowing. It's HILARIOUS. I'm going to make more attempts to do this more often off the dance floor too. Have more fun. Be more child-like.

don't be dramatic: 

You're not the starring role in the hottest new romantic comedy.... so don't act like it. Do you want me to repeat that Brittany? No, you've learned your lesson. The cocktails and flashing lights probably didn't help though, in your defense. 

don't wear red lipstick: 

I had it on & took it off. No way did I want to deal with that gnarly red outline and endless reapplications. It's beautiful and all but- thanks but no thanks. Not on NYE.

do celebrate a blessed year: 

Going with the flow of no expectations don't forget the beauty of the year you bid adieu to. Celebrate a new year but don't neglect the past. You've learned too much to start over.

live & learn and do it better next time: 

So you added a lot of pressure, had expectations, and forgot a few rules. Oh well. Another experience learned, try something new next time and use what you've learned to make it better. Don't dwell on what has already happened, it's not worth it. That baggage can be left in the old year. Remember how you actually had a really great time? 

resolutions start on January 2nd:

Make them count. End of story. 

Well that was fun. What's next? Here we go, 2012...

(source)

keep calm the new year is here,

mirror, mirror

(source)

The end of the year is always such a reflective time for me. What's most unique about this moment of reflection year-after-year is that the reflections are paralleled with a projection of what's to come. I reflect on how I've been leading my life thus far and then spend countless hours crafting my resolutions to better my life for the year ahead. I always find it so silly that I do this only at the start of the new year, but there is something so refreshing about a new start. There is also something so comforting about knowing your not alone ion your endeavor to resolve various elements of your life as this has become a cultural tradition of our generation. 

I've also done a lot of thinking and reflection on the simplicity of strengthening my own self awareness. One way I have found the ability to do this is through understating why I choose the keep the company that I keep. By understanding this I am better enabled to tune into what it is that I enjoy and how I can simply strive to be my ideal self by being the self that I myself would enjoy. 

(source)

This reminds me of the golden rule... "do unto others as you would have done unto you." But we also often forget to "do unto you as you would have done unto others." The resolutions are brewing and I am consistently more and more blissful about the marvelous company I've been blessed enough to keep and also efforts towards bettering the company that I give myself.

2012... I'm comin' for you.

sugar plums & spiced rums,

B's Top 10 Books... Baby it's cold outside...

(source)

…and whenever that’s the case all I want to do is crawl under my down comforter with a mug of tea and a good book in hand. I have the reading fever right now so I’m currently lost in the middle of Room, The Happiness Project, Other People’s Children & The Hunger Games. This splendid book hugging got me thinking about my favorite books. Some are favorites because they have simply entertained me, some have tipped my perspective on life, and some just put a nostalgic grin on my face when I hear the title. None-the-less I offer to you my top 10 list of favorite books (simple books, but significant to me)…

The Five People You Meet in Heaven (Mitch Albom): I remember reading this book years ago and feeling so enlightened about life. I am always making the effort to be conscious of my every interaction with people, no matter how grand or petit they are. No other book I have ever owned has been dog-eared, highlighted and tabbed as much.

Island of the Blue Dolphins (Scott O’Dell): I first read this book in the 4^th grade and picked it up again two summers ago. There is limited dialogue which I was surprised to be entertained by but I enjoyed it just as much as I had in 4^th grade. This beautiful story was the perfect read for a warm summer’s night…. I refused to fall asleep until I had finished it.

Letter to my Daughter (Maya Angelou): My mom sent me this for Valentines Day two years ago and I couldn’t get to a cozy seat and fold the cover back fast enough. I absolutely LOVE this book (my favorite passage: Commencement). Maya Angelou’s words consistently warm a small place of my heart and have a direct impact on my daily actions and reflections.  

Helter Skelter (Vincent Bugliosi): I must confess, I am fascinated by fear. I love sharks, dark nights, and criminal minds. What better entertainment than 700+ pages of investigation from the Manson Murders? Helter Skelter doesn’t miss a beat- from the history of Charles Mansion’s upbringing to the prosecuting attorney’s lengthy case of evidence I was completely consumed.  

The Shack (William P. Young): My mom gave me this book a few years ago and said to me “It’s weird, but I know you’ll like it.” Sure enough it was the right kind of weird for me. As someone who identifies as faithful rather than religious I absolutely loved the spiritual insight in this book.  I felt so enlighten and intrigued, this is one book that I can honestly say changed my life at an internal capacity.

Tao Te Ching, The Book of the Way (Lao Tzu): I was enlightened by Taoism after I read The Tao of Pooh (Benjamin Hoff) and adopted quite the craving to learn more. While this is a quick read there is so much to learn from the simplicity of the scripts and the truth of the words. I often keep this within reach and pull it out when I’m looking for something to provoke thought or settle my mind.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee): While I haven’t read this since my freshman year of high school I’m still pleasantly haunted by the good soul of Atticus Finch and often find myself asking WWAD (What Would Atticus Do?)… I must reread this gem in the not-so-distant future.

The Four Agreements (don Miguel Ruiz): Yes it’s a “self-improvement” book but I love this it and what I have learned form it. I’ve blogged about it before (along with 28 Days to a More Magnetic Life another FAVORITE of mine) but could not let it miss the list. I love the agreements and how “tangible” they are and applicable to apply to your life.

Something Blue (Emily Giffin): Emily Giffin is my favorite author. Her writing is so relatable; I can easily connect with so many of the characters and experiences in all of her books. Something Blue has been my favorite yet. It’s the sequel to Something Borrowed and if you’ve read/seen Something Borrowed you must get Something Blue in your hands to find out what happens next. I also love the reminder that every person hosts the ability to grow and change through self realization and that there are always two sides to every story.

Mythology (Edith Hamilton): In high school we read Edith Hamilton’s version and in college I studied the generic text book but none-the-less I am a self classified Greek Mythology geek (I also have two Mythology Bowl championships from college to back up that proclamation as well).  I love the characters, the stories, the lessons, and everything else in between. I love pulling out these tales on a rainy day and relating them to my own adventures.

& I'd love to hear yours....

(source)

Blogging from bed…

& I'm Back Again

Phew. Life got a little bit crazy there for a moment... here's how it went down, according to my iPhone....

I spent some time in San Fransisco and all over the fine state of New Mexico...

...In New Mexico I spent time with my college sorority sisters, former students, and crowned the new Miss New Mexico USA (who is FABULOUS by the way...) and now I'm officially a retired pageant queen and humbled by my generous experiences. Nothing tops spending time with the people I most adore (*college friends, pageant friends, family, and my former preschoolers).

Good company in New Mexico.

Then I took a road trip to Denver with my Tulsa crew to spend Thanksgiving with my family (& gatos... purrrr). I loved seeing my family, touring the Colorado, Kansas and Oklahoma and coming to know even further how blessed I am to have Mike, Ryan, and Maile in my life here in Oklahoma.

...and now here's life.

I thought I'd never unpack all of my luggage remnants and get my loft back in order... but sure enough I did and even decked the halls with some festive lights. Life feels controlled again.

I also thought I'd never get back to Happy Brittany... but I've had major withdrawals and forgot who I was without it. Well I'm back and fired up, I have lots of new posts just waiting to be published and I'm more equipped to make Happy Brittany a lifestyle rather than a hobby and I'm excited to hear from you all and share more & more adventures. Live to learn and learn to live.

 See you tomorrow gems...

.

Oh.... and I spent Sunday night in Tyler, TX.... but that's a tale for a future time. *wink

Page Turner

(source)

Do I believe that being Miss New Mexico USA was the greatest accomplishment I will ever have? No. Not at all. Many things within that bucket have indeed lead me to the great aspirations I now have. My year also afforded me the adventures to learn and grow in unpredictable ways. As I turn the page from one chapter to the next I recognize that this chapter still remains in the book. It’s even what makes the next chapter even more enticing and delicious. The pages left behind have been highlighted, quoted and dog eared, and they will be cherished and reference for the rest of my life. But to stop in the middle of the book would be a disservice to the author and creator.

As I embrace the next chapter I sit in much reflection of what’s to come, and how to enrich it and expand upon it. Of course I am nervous, that’s what a new chapter often presents, but with the nerves comes excitement. I look forward to what’s in store…

 

Happy Brittany has been a journey and a huge part of my life. I often hear “you are so positive and inspiring” and I think to myself it hasn’t always been like that and I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be. It took the courage of exposing my thoughts and making myself vulnerable along with truly owning the roles I had set forth for myself.. The blog makes me a better person, as silly as it may sound. I am very excited to grow and allow my blog to provoke said growth. It’s time for a new beginning…. not from scratch…. but derived from the lingering words of suspense and joy from the previous chapters.

turns page...

(source)

  

See you soon happy people.... with goodies in store...

Top 10 Moments as Miss New Mexico USA...

Today is my last day as Miss New Mexico USA.... I am honored to have been able to share this experience with you all.

Throughout my reign, what has resonated most have been the incredible people that I have shared my adventure with along the way.  These elements mixed with my own path of self-discovery have truly shaped my experience. I have spent hours trying to summarize this past year. While this year cannot be limited to only ten moments, I wanted to share these particular ten with you all to give you a picture of the lessons I have learned, the growth I have made and the people who were part of it.

So, without further adieu….

Brittany’s Top 10 Moments as Miss New Mexico USA 2011

1. Introducing my new role to my students. Nothing could have been more rewarding. I sat in front of an a.m. classroom and a p.m. classroom, each filled with 19 pre-kindergarten students, eager for learning and loving, on October 25^th and presented them with a shiny crown and sash that was just as much theirs as it was mine. Their eyes lit up, their hands clenched with excitement and their little voices let out sounds of pure joy. At that moment I knew this was an adventure we were on as a team; we were each others’ biggest fans. From there my connection to my students and their families was taken to a whole new level as I proudly presented tangible evidence to our class motto: If you work hard you can do anything you want.
2. The winning moment. Years of focus on a goal that was so meaningful to me finally came down to one moment. My road to Miss New Mexico was filled with lessons about myself: I had to ask myself what I stood for. It fortuned me relationships that brought unconditional support through and through. It made me eager for an opportunity to share my voice and represent the state that I love with every part of who I am. The winning moment was more than 12.3 seconds. Instead, it was an opportunity for reflection and gratitude for all that had led me to those fast, few seconds and a celebration with the many people who had traveled on this path with me. 
3. The road trip to Miss USA with my mom. Eight hours, one over packed CR-V, and the pursuit of our destination: Las Vegas along with the opportunity to represent the state of New Mexico at the 2011 Miss USA competition. We laughed. We cried. We listened to our favorite music, and we ate our favorite snacks (what do you mean “pageant diet?).  I said “goodbye” to New Mexico and “hello” to Las Vegas Nevada at 6:34 p.m. on June 3^rd 2011. We checked into our hotel, ordered a great, big, cheese pizza, and proceeded to steam every article of clothing that had been crammed into the backseat of my SUV. I fell asleep dreaming about bright lights, sequins, and that simple black and white “New Mexico” sash that I would proudly represent. I awoke the next morning to find a whole rack of freshly steamed clothes; my tireless mother had kept steaming. I got ready, submitted my last piece of work to my school district as Ms. Toll, and I said goodbye to my beautiful mother. I navigated my way to the Planet Hollywood Resort, a place I would call home for nearly three weeks. With butterflies in my belly, peace in my heart, and my dreams at my fingertips I was ready to make it all a reality. This will forever remain one of my fondest memories of a road trip with my best friend, only a small glimpse into the support she has given my entire 25 years of life.
4. Leading the “Cupid Shuffle” and “La Macarena” at the 2011 Inaugural Children’s Ball with Lexi, Miss New Mexico Teen USA, and the Honorable Susana Martinez. It was an honor to be invited to such a celebrated event by New Mexico’s first female governor. I learned that when newly elected Governor Martinez suddenly requests you on stage to help lead a line dance-- you do not hesitate, regardless of your poor coordination and mild stage fright. Lexi and I eagerly pranced to the stage and began dancing, laughing, and sharing an extraordinary moment. I am thankful to my sweet Miss New Mexico Teen USA, Lexi. First for not making fun of me for my legitimately terrible dance moves, but mostly to have shared this incredible moment with a beautiful girl whom I admire and adore on so many levels for her kind heart and limitless smile. This moment captivates the many incredible experiences we’ve had together this year and I am so fortunate to have had such a wonderful, selfless and caring young woman.
5. The daytrip to Cloudcroft with my directors, Belia and Curtis. It was the holidays and when a fire devastated this quaint little mountain town, Belia & Curtis immediately felt the urge to do something. We saddled up and headed north to lend a hand to a community that I will forever consider a second home. We spent the whole evening talking with community members, running into old friends, and offering our support to rebuild the town in the spirit of the holidays. We were privileged to connect with the community in such a powerful way and we learned so much from the people there and their unconditional love for one anther. Additionally I realized that I have been so blessed to have been paired with such a wonderful set of directors not only once but twice. I’ve loved every moment that I have shared with these two individuals. Our trip to Cloudcroft represents only a small testament of their never-ending devotion to service and community. My year is indicative of their work as well-- all that they have inspired me to do and become. For that, I am eternally grateful.
6. The day my students chose the color of my gown for Miss USA. It was very important for me to let my quirky little four and five-year-old students to play a significant role in my reign. When preparing a lesson for them on graphing, I decided to let them choose the color of my gown for Miss USA so that this experience was as shared as possible. I showed them a YouTube video of the gown segment at a previous Miss USA pageant and they could hardly hold in their excitement. “That’s gonna be you Ms. Toll?!” they asked giddily “Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Zachariah as he turned to Xavier. I was humbled, yet again, with the realization of who I was in the scope of their little lives. I laid out the entire classroom set of crayons and let each of them decide the color of my dress. They each colored in a square on the graph and then stood by in anticipation as the votes rolled in. With two-thirds of my students being boys, it made perfect sense that the majority of my students envisioned me in blue. And what do you know? That gown was the most beautiful gown in the history of gowns. I wore it with pride knowing that 38 of the most important individuals in my life invested their hearts into what they believed would make Ms. Toll shine like a star. Even in their absence I felt the love of each of them as I twirled and paraded on that glamorous stage one warm, June evening. I will never forget that feeling.
7. The people. For lucky number seven I have no clever way to categorize this moment, or rather the countless moments, other than to say how grateful I am for the people in my life and the year that invited new people into my adventure. The endless phone calls, conversations, emails, flowers, hand-written letters, Facebook messages, Tweets and so forth are beautiful reminders of how blessed I am. Additionally, not much can rival an audience in which over 90 seats are occupied by some of the most amazing people you have ever known. You know who you are, you traveled from all over the country… from New York, California, New Mexico, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, Texas to sit in that audience. You represented a variety of sub-groups; Zeta sisters, Teach For America co-workers, family, former pageant queens, college, high school, and even middle school friends and the list continues. You all came with a common link, to support a daughter/friend/sister/roommate/coworker/etc, and her ambitions. You are selfless, loving, brilliant, supportive, helpful, and amazing. I am the product of what your love has helped me become. This experience would not have been nearly what it was if it was not for you and the passion for love you each radiate.
8. My Miss USA Send-Off party with a surprise guest. Preparation for Miss USA, given its prestige and impact, brings stress and exhaustion.  It felt like one hurdle after another: an evening gown that was too small, the balancing act of teaching my students, and the process of self-discovery (while ensuring I stayed healthy, and prepared to sport a swimsuit on national TV). The months of preparation were all put into perspective one mild May evening in my hometown of Las Cruces. Nearly 60 people gathered to share beautiful words of love and support as I approached one of the most unique adventures of my life. The room was filled with smiling faces: countless former Miss New Mexico USAs and Miss New Mexico Teen USAs, families, neighbors, friends, former judges, hair dressers and endless supporters. But the most humbling support of all? My high school principal, Bob Ogas. It was a night I will never forget. This intimate opportunity enabled me to not only express my gratitude, but also to discover that the true value of this opportunity was not found in the perfect dress or the right shade of highlights. I realized that it was found in the love of the ones I carried with me day after day… the ones who have always seen great things in me, even when I did not see them in myself—even in my awkward high school days. I love you all. You know who you are.
9. Being featured on Gala Darling’s blog. It is no secret that Gala Darling (of galadarling.com) is one of my idols and has been for years. She is a symbol of “radical self-love” and everything I aspire to be as a confident and inspiring woman in today’s world. I could not believe that she invited me to do an interview on her blog. Did that really happen? I felt so comfortable and proud to be honest about myself and my experiences. I was humbled by the words she wrote along with the amount of people my voice was able to reach. The emails came pouring in, and they were incredibly warm and inspiring. My roommate and I would smile from ear to ear as I would read them out loud to her. One in particular continues to stay with me: a Navajo woman now living in Phoenix wrote me an email that radiated honesty, respect and bold reflection. She shared many feelings with me that enlightened my perspective on life and the power of my voice.
10. Placing Top 16 at Miss USA and being named America’s Choice for the Miss USA title. There is something so humbling about millions of people believing in me and logging onto NBC.com and MissUniverse.com to cast their vote. Sometimes I am overwhelmed just imagining the amount of people who took the time to learn about me, invest in me, and support me. It was more than I could have even dreamed of as a way to sum up my experience at Miss USA. My voice made an impression that I never knew it could, my efforts were not unnoticed and my heart will forever hold endless amounts of love and gratitude. As I stood up there in the Top 16 line up, I knew I was not alone.  I felt the presence of everyone who had been on this journey with me: everyone who had sent an email, who had posted a link on Facebook, who had texted to others about why New Mexico deserved to be represented on that national stage. I loved the community that my placement reflected and the reminder of the many people I have been fortuned to connect with. As one of my teaching friends once said in a mass email she sent to her family back on the east coast: “One of my closest friends here, Miss Brittany Toll, is in the running for Miss USA. I realize that you may find it impossible to believe that I'm friends with a beauty queen. I still do too actually, but this woman is absolutely fabulous...”

I know it has been quite the adventure, because even as I review these top ten moments, I am reminded still of other great moments as well: floating in a hot air balloon, sponsoring an athlete and being by her side for her big race in the Special Olympics, being recognized at the 2011 legislative session as a notable community leader of Gallup, presenting awards at the GLTB annual awards banquet with my roommate Julia, receiving the honor of being wrapped in a traditional Navajo blanket at the Miss Navajo Teen pageant, experiencing my first photo shoot with Lexi, sharing my experiences on happybrittany.com, learning endless life-lessons from Belia, my trip to NYC (and seeing Gloria!), a weekend with Jill and Alina, the adventures at Miss USA with my favorite new beauty queens, being a bridesmaid in Jenna’s wedding, and connecting with the people of my beloved state and across the country. Whether it was as extravagant as meeting the governor or as sweet and simple as reading a Dr. Seuss book at a local elementary school, not one second of this year has been lost. Just as the night of Miss USA, I felt my students with me as I wore that blue gown, I will wear the love and experience I have shared with all of you as I go forward.

Humbly,

Brittany Toll

Miss New Mexico USA 2011